


The Mess You Made

by YamiAki96



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, Left at the Alter, M/M, Mentions of Stalking, Reunions, Sad Castiel, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-05
Updated: 2014-11-01
Packaged: 2018-02-20 00:21:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2408291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YamiAki96/pseuds/YamiAki96
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After his brother abandons him at the alter, it is up to Sam and their friends to pick up the pieces of Castiel Dean left behind. After three years and several failed relationships, Castiel finally finds someone who loves him. SO, of course, Dean has to choose then to come back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. And I'm the One You Left Behind

Sam Winchester pulled up to his brother’s house at six in the morning. He knew he was early, but he figured Dean would be a pain to try to get out of bed, especial with all the drinks he  He used his own key instead of knocking and went straight to Dean’s room.

“Alright,” He said, walking in. “Up and‒Dean?” His brother’s bed was empty. Sam frowned, then shrugged. The Impala wasn’t outside, now that he thought about it. Dean probably spent the night at Cas’s after his bachelor party for one last night of fun while Cas was still a Shurley.

Sam left Dean’s and drove across town to Cas’s house, knowing that if they tried to get dresses together they would skip the wedding and start with the honeymoon. Sam became worried when Dean’s car wasn’t there, either.

Sam knocked on the door, anyway, and Cas opened up a second later.

“Hello, Sam,” He said, smiling.

“Hey, Cas.”

“What can I do for you? Did Dean leave something here?” Oh, shit.

“Um, no. I haven’t been over there yet. I…just wanted to check on you.” Sam cringed at how stupid it sounded, but Cas bought it.

“I’m marrying the love of my life today, Sam. I couldn’t be better,” Castiel said, smile lighting his face. Sam tried to smile back and walked to his car.

_Maybe he just went to the store_ , Sam tried to assure himself. _He’s probably stressed and went to get some smokes. That’s all._

__

It wasn’t.

The Impala wasn’t back. The house was still empty. Sam pulled out his phone and dialed Dean’s number.

_You’ve reached Dean. You know what to do._

“Where the hell are you? You do realize that you’re getting married in...five hours? Call me when you get this, okay.” Sam ran a hand through his hair and looked around the kitchen he was standing in. He almost over looked the note lying on the kitchen counter.

“Please be good news,” He murmured, picking it up.

_Tell Cas I’m sorry._ Sam blinked and re-read it. Then did it again. And again.

“No. No,” He called Dean and got his voicemail. “Dammit, Dean. This had better be a joke. Because if you aren’t at the church at two o’clock....Dean, don’t do this. Just call me.”

Sam checked a few a Dean’s favorite haunts, but no one had seen him. He assured them all it was just pre-wedding nerves and that Dean was fine. He called everyone in their group, Charlie, Benny, Jo, and Garth, but no one had heard from him since the night before.

By twelve o'clock, Sam had no choice but to get ready himself, even if Dean didn’t call him back. At one o’clock he was pacing in a back room of the church that Cas had chosen when John found him.

“What are you doing back here? People are starting to show up‒”

“I can’t find Dean,” Sam said. John’s eyes widened a bit.

“Well, he has to be around somewhere. I’m sure he just stepped out for a cigarette or-” Sam held out the note, effectively cutting him off.

“He’s gone, Dad. He took off.” Sam ran a hand through his hair. John shook his head, disbelievingly.

“Sam, this is probably some big joke that Dean thinks is funny. He loves Cas. He’ll be here.”

“And if he’s not? What am I supposed to tell Cas? ‘Oh, sorry your boyfriend didn’t love you like we all thought he did, but, hey, the church looks great?!’”

“Sam, just calm down. He’ll be here.” But was he worried, too. Sam could see it.

Dean wasn’t there a two o’clock. Cas’s smile didn’t waver. Dean was always late, this was normal. At two thirty, Sam could tell the grin was more fake than real. By three it was gone.

Cas walked outside, away from the impatient murmuring and pitying looks. Sam found him on the steps, head in his hands. Sam sat with him.

“He’s not coming, is he?” Castiel asked, quietly.

“I’m sorry, Cas,” Sam said, touching his shoulder.

“It’s okay,” The smaller man said, stiffly. “I…I have to get out of here. Just tell everyone…” Cas’s voice cracked and Sam nodded.

“Give me a call tomorrow, okay?” Castiel nodded and fled. Sam went inside and told everyone what they already knew.

There would be no wedding that day.

* * *

Castiel didn’t call or answer his phone. After two days, Sam and Jess drove to his house, but he didn’t answer the door. Sam used the extra key he’d seen Dean use and unlocked it.

“Cas!” He called, looking around. The place looked like it always did, clean and organized, not a thing out of place.

Cas was laying on his couch in sweatpants and one of Dean’s t-shirts. He was asleep, but Sam could see tear tracks on his face. There was an empty wine bottle on the table next to him. There was no glass.

“Sam,” Jess whispered. “We can’t just leave him like this.”

“I know, but we can’t just be here when he wakes up, either. We’ll come back tonight. Take him out.” Jess nodded. Sam could tell that she wanted to take care of Cas, get him some water and aspirin and a blanket. He gently pulled her towards the door, hoping Cas would be okay until later.

He answered the door the next time they came by. He looked horrible, days worth of stubble and limp, greasy hair. He tried to smile for them, but it looked like a grimace so he gave up and invited them in.

“What are you doing here?” He asked, quietly.

“We wanted to take you to dinner with us,” Jess said, reaching for him. Cas stepped away.

“No, thank you.”

“Come on, Cas. You have to eat.”

“I’m not hungry,” Cas’s voice sounded dull, hollow. He returned to the couch, dropping his head in his hands. “I just want to go back to sleep.”

“Cas, come on,” Jess said, sitting down next to him. “Come out with us, please?”

“I can’t,” He said. “I can’t go out there and face everyone. Not yet.”

“We’ll bring you something back, then. We’ll eat in and watch TV.”

“No, no. You two go out and have fun.” Sam realized, then, that Cas couldn’t go with them. He couldn’t be with two people who loved each other so much without thinking of Dean. Sam started to wonder if his even being there was a strain on Cas.

They had to leave eventually, and Jess hugged Cas tight, telling him it was all okay. When they heard glass shatter behind them after they closed the front door, Sam had to carry her to the car.

* * *

Cas didn’t get any better as time went by like Sam had hoped. He lost a lot of weight, got even paler than he was, he didn’t leave his house. Sam would go and sit with him sometimes, but, even though he never said it, Cas wanted to be alone.

Sam didn’t know that Cas got fired because he couldn’t focus on the job. He didn’t know that Cas bought a bottle of Dean’s cologne so that his scent wouldn’t completely fade from the shirts that he’d left behind. He didn’t know that Castiel wasn’t eating or drinking anything except the alcohol he needed to go to sleep and the food he needed to make his stomach not hurt. Not until Cas’s brother found him unconscious on the kitchen floor and had to call an ambulance.

Cas was severely malnourished and dehydrated. The doctor had told Gabe that there was no sign of self harm, much to his relief.

“Your brother needs to eat,” The doctor said. “A little sun wouldn’t do much harm either.”

Cas was put on antidepressants and he lightened a little. Five months after the wedding that wasn’t, he went out to lunch with Sam, clean shaven and showered, and he actually smiled.

* * *

Cas really started going out again after that, even going to nightclubs with the group. He was apprehensive at first, but when a guy asked him to dance, he said yes. He enjoyed himself and even let the guy kiss him, but that’s as far as went before Sam found him in the bathroom, crying.

“It’s okay, Cas,” Sam said on their way back to Cas’s house.

“What do you think he’s doing right now?” Cas whispered through the tears. Sam froze. No one talked about Dean when Cas was around. Dean hadn’t tried to contact anyone since he left, Sam didn’t even know where he was.

“I don’t know.”

“I bet he’s with someone else by now. I bet he’s happy. Why couldn’t I make him happy, Sam?” He started crying harder then. Sam spent the night on Cas’s couch, making sure that he was okay and that he took his medication.

* * *

After a few more months, he started going home with people. At first they were all tall, blond, and freckled and Sam or Gabe would get teary phone calls to pick Cas up from across town. But they started to differentiate after a while and Cas started staying the night with them.

After a year he started dating.

In the beginning the relationships only lasted for a few weeks and they were really just sex. Then Cas meet Inais.

Inais was tall, funny, and worshiped the ground Cas walked on. Cas seemed happy, until he got bored. Dean had been unpredictable, Inais did whatever Cas told him to. It was nice at first, but Cas eventually had to end it.

Inais didn’t though. He’d show up at Cas’s work. He’d walk into his house if the door was unlocked. He called all the time. He wasn’t threatening, but it made Cas uncomfortable.

The restraining order ended up being the first of many.

The next notable relationship was Richard, who the group ended up calling Dick because, well he was. It too started off great, but after a few months, Cas stopped hanging out with the group. He would call Sam sometimes, then hang up mid conversation. Sam heard that he quit his job and sold his house from Gabriel.

One night, Sam was shocked with a phone call from Cas. “Hello?”

“Sam,” Cas’s voice was quiet.

“Yeah, Cas. It’s me.” Jess looked up.

“Can you meet me tomorrow? For lunch or something?”

“Uh, yeah. Totally. You okay?” Cas was quiet for a moment.

“I need to talk to you. The Roadhouse at one?”

“Yeah, Cas. Sounds great.” They hung up. Sam shrugged at Jess’s questioning eyes and told her what happened.

Cas was late the next day. He showed up at two, sliding into the booth that Sam chose.

“I’m sorry, Sam. I‒”

“Cas. What happened?” Sam interrupted, staring at the dark bruises on Cas’s jaw and eye.

“That’s why I’m here,” He said, folding in on himself. “It’s Richard.”

“That son of a bitch,” Sam said, going to stand. Cas caught his hand.

“Sam, please,” Sam sat. “I need your help.”

“Anything you need, Cas. Do you want to stay with us? We have a spare room.” Cas smiled.

“Thank you, Sam. I’m going to stay with Gabriel for a little while. Until I can find a place of my own. I was hoping that you would be with me when I packed my things.”

Sam agreed and they ate together. Cas fidgeted with his fork for a moment.

“Have you heard from him?” Sam sighed

“No. Cas‒”

“I know. I need to just let it go. But…. Just think if it were Jess, Sam.”

“If I do, I’ll tell you. I promise.” Cas nodded. It broke Sam’s heart to see him so small and miserable again. He wondered why Cas couldn’t find someone to love right. To love him enough to help him forget Dean a little bit.

* * *

Dick didn’t show up while Cas packed his bags. Sam had really want to beat the asshole into a pulp, but Cas convinced him to let it go.

Another restraining order and an actual court case later, Dick was gone for good.

Cas stuck to hook ups after that, finding men and women that he never saw again. He started spending time with his friends again. He became the guy that they all knew and loved and missed.

Finally, after two years, Cas was okay. On the anniversary of the day none of them mentioned, they all went to a well known gay bar outside of town, because they always had more fun there than they did anywhere else.

To no one’s surprise, men were brought into Cas’s orbit as soon as he was walked in. He was turning down drinks and dances left and right. Until a dark haired man slid up beside him and didn’t take no for an answer.

Sam watched from the bar as the man pulled Cas onto the floor with him. Cas shot him a look, and Sam and Jess went to dance nearby.

The guy wasn’t trying to be a creep, though. They danced, he bought Cas a drink and then invited them to the VIP section with him, where it was quiet and the liquor was worth the ridiculous price.

Cas and the guy‒Crowley‒talked for a while, moving closer together. At some point Crowley’s mouth ended up on Cas’s neck.

“Come home with me,” Sam heard Crowley murmur against the other man’s neck.

“Ask me again after midnight,” Cas responded. The date still got to him, no matter how much better he was doing.

He did and Cas agreed.

They went out again a few days later. Then again. And again. After a few months, Crowley was practically one of them. Everyone liked him and he treated Cas like he was the most precious thing in the world. He was older, but not so much that he couldn’t relate to them.

He also owned a law firm and told Sam to drop by sometime, there maybe an internship open, if he was interested.

Crowley at work was a complete 180 from the man Sam knew. He was vicious, vindictive, efficient. He treated Sam like an intern, demanding coffee and memos and files back to back. By five, Sam was exhausted.

“Want to get a drink?” Crowley asked, as they walked out. “Castiel is working over at the library, so I have nowhere to be.”

“Uh, sure.” Once at the bar both men lost their suit jackets and loosed up a bit.

“How do you like it?” Crowley asked, sipping his scotch.

“It’s intense,” Sam said. “Different than where I thought I’d be.”

“There are other firms that will take you. With a reference from my office they’ll be falling in your lap in no time.”

“Thanks.” They were silent for a while, then Crowley spoke again.

“Castiel told me about Dean.” Sam choked, sputtering and coughing.

“What?” He croaked.

“About the wedding. The not wedding. We talked about it last night. And about the other people he dated.” Crowley looked Sam in the eyes. “I told Gabriel and I’m telling you. Cas is very important to me, now. I have no intentions to hurt him. I have every intention, however, to be with him for as long as he’ll have me.” Sam nodded.

“That’s great. I’m glad. Really. He’s been alone for too long.”

* * *

After a year, Castiel and Crowley moved in together.

The apartment was huge, a master bedroom with a walk in closet and a full private bath, two guest bedrooms, an office, kitchen, living room, and dining room. Sam’s jaw dropped when he and Jess had dinner with them when they were all moved in.

“This place is awesome, Cas.”

“It’s a bit much,” Cas said, but he smiled. “We may as well have bought a house.”

Sam smiled back. Cas had gotten so much better since he started dating Crowley. He was content again. Though he’d never be the same as he was with Dean, he was going to be okay. Maybe better than he would have been.

Cas had made some kind of exotic chicken for dinner and Jess had made a cobbler for dessert. They exchanged stories from the week, Sam told Cas what a hardass Crowley was at work and Crowley told Jess that Sam was just lazy. It was a nice night, but when Sam saw the looks Cas and Crowley were exchanging, he was ready to get out.

When they returned home, Jess was going on about the apartment. Cas had given her a tour after dinner, showing off.

Sam’s phone rang and he answered without looking, still smiling at Jess. “Hello?”

“Hey, Sammy.” The smile fell off of his face and his eyes widened.

 **  
**“Dean?”


	2. Who Do You Think You Are

Jess’s head snapped up from where she was undoing the straps on her heels.

 

“Yeah. Sammy, I‒” Sam cut Dean off.

 

“Give me one good reason not to hang up right now,” Sam said, cutting him off. Dean sighed.

 

“I don’t have one, Sam,” He said. “Just...before you hang up. I’m in town. I’m back. I’d really like to see you.”

 

“Do you think anyone in town is going to let you in? After what you did?” Lawrence was small and the Winchester’s and the Shurley's were both well known families. Everyone knew what Dean had done to Cas because no one could keep a secret.

 

“There’s a joint just outside the limits. Will you just meet me there? Please?”

 

“Tomorrow. Two o’clock.” Sam hung up and threw his phone. “Son of a bitch!”

 

Jess laid a hand on his arm and pulled him to the bed, sitting him down gently.

 

“He’s back in town, Jess. It’s been three years and he just shows up. Just when Cas was finally better…”

 

“What are you going to do?”

 

“I’m meeting him tomorrow.” Sam ran a hand through his hair. “I’ve gotta call Cas.”

 

“No!”

 

“Jess, if I don’t call him and he finds out Dean’s here, what do you think he’s going to do? I have to tell him now.” Sam retrieved his phone from the floor and dialed Cas’s number. He answered with a laugh on his lips.

 

“Sam? Stop, I’m on the phone,” Sam groaned internally. He was about to ruin everything for Cas.

 

“Cas. He called.” He heard an intake of breath, then nothing.

 

“When?” Cas whispered, after a long silence.

 

“A few minutes ago. He’s in town. I’m having lunch‒”

 

“I’m going.”

 

“Cas‒”

 

“He ruined my life, Sam!” Cas said. “He ruined me. I’m going, whether you like it or not. I have that right.” Sam sighed.

 

“I know you do, Cas. But, just give me tomorrow, okay. Let me talk to him first.”

 

“Sam, I‒Fine. Okay. Just let me know what he says, okay?”

 

“Of course, Cas.” They hung up, but Sam didn’t feel any better.

 

The next day, he drove to the place Dean instructed him to with a feeling of dread in stomach. The Impala was there, and Sam ran his fingers over her as he walked by.

 

Dean was sitting in a booth in the back, staring into his coffee cup. Sam sat stiffly across from him. Dean looked the same, same eyes, same face. It was like the last three years didn’t even happen.

 

“Hey, Sammy.”

 

“Hey, Dean.” They didn’t say anything else for a while until Dean broke.

 

“How is he?” Sam was angry again almost instantly.

 

“Seriously?” Dean looked down. “You left him at the altar, Dean. You just disappeared. It was awful, Dean. He just…stopped functioning. It took me weeks to finally get him talking again. After a year he finally started going out again.”

 

“He date anybody?” Dean asked, not looking up.

 

“Yeah. A bunch of assholes that hit him, cheated on him, or both. I think a few did worse than that, but he won’t tell me.” Sam said. “Then he met Crowley.”

 

“Crowley?” Sam shook his head.

 

“I shouldn’t be telling you any of this,” Dean looked up, eyes wet.

 

“Sam, please.”

 

“All I’m gonna say is that they’ve been seeing each other for about a year. They moved in together about a month ago.”

 

“So he’s good now?” Dean asked. “He’s....himself?”

 

“No, Dean. He’s not. He’s just better than he was. Better than what you made him.”

 

“I know I fucked up, Sam‒”

 

“You know you‒ No, Dean. _Fucking up_ is forgetting your anniversary. _Fucking up_ is wrecking Dad’s car. Leaving the person that loves you more than life itself at the altar and not getting in touch with anyone for _three_ years? I don’t know what that is, but _fucked up_ does not cover it.”

 

“I‒”

 

“Where were you?” Dean looked away. “You bastard. You were living some great life weren’t you?”

 

“I met a woman. I was with her and her son for almost two years.” Sam let out a bitter laugh. “I’m sorry, okay?”

 

“No, Dean, it’s not okay. And I’m not the one you need to apologize to.” Sam ran a hand through his hair. “Look, I’m pissed at you. Don’t forget that. But you’re my brother and I’m glad to see you. I’m glad to know that you’ve been okay. I missed you.”

 

Things were still tense, but all in all, it wasn’t a bad lunch. After they got the topic of Cas off the table, they could be Sam and Dean again. They talked about Sam’s internship (Sam carefully avoided dropping Crowley’s name), John and Mary, their friends, and Dean briefly told Sam about Lisa and Ben.

 

When they were getting ready to go, Dean grabbed Sam’s arm.

 

“I need to talk to him, Sam.” Sam shook his head and stepped back.

 

“No. I’m not telling you where to find Cas or how to get in touch with him. I’ll call him tonight and talk to him about it. If he wants to see you, I’ll help set it up.” Sam got into his car without letting Dean respond.

 

* * *

 

Dean watched his brother drive away, and sighed.

 

He hadn’t realized how much he’d actually fucked things up when he’d left.

 

Dean slid into the Impala and started to drive back to his apartment. At the last second, he turned right instead of left and drove in Lawrence. He pulled up in front of the library and got out. His breath caught in his throat when he walked in.

 

There he was. Cas was working at the main desk, his glasses sliding down his nose as he worked. Dean was hit by a freight train of memories as he stepped forward.

 

“Just a moment,” Cas said, not looking up. His voice sent a jolt through Dean’s body. “Okay, how may he‒Dean?” Cas’s voice dropped to a whisper. He was shaking a little as he came around the desk to stand in front of him.

 

“Cas‒” Cas cut him off with a punch that Dean took willingly.

 

“I hate you, you bastard. I hate you. I‒” Someone ran and grabbed Cas around the waist, pulling him back. Cas went limp after a moment and the person loosened his grip.

 

“Do you have any idea what you did to me?” Castiel asked, quietly, meeting Dean’s wide eyes. “I couldn’t eat or sleep. I couldn’t even move, Dean. I was heartbroken. I’m still broken!”

 

“Cas-”

 

“Go to hell, Dean.” Castiel stormed out, the guy gave Dean a withering look.

 

Dean followed Cas out and found him sitting in his car. Dean hesitantly knocked on the window. Cas jumped, then sighed, rolling it down.

 

“What do you want?”

 

“Can we talk?”

 

“I have nothing to say to you.”

 

“Yeah, well, I have some stuff to say,” Dean sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Look, just let me buy you a coffee or something. I want to explain.” Cas thought for a moment, but got out of the car.

 

“Fine. But, Dean‒”

 

“I know, Cas. You’re with someone. I just want to talk.” Cas nodded. They walked to the coffee shop across the street from the library. They ordered and got a table in the back corner.

 

“I just want to know why,” Castiel said, looking down at his coffee.

 

“I got scared, Cas.” Cas’s head shot up.

 

“No!” Cas snapped. “You did not get scared, Dean. If you had been scared, you would have called me. We would have talked about it.”

 

“You’re right. I don’t know why, Cas. We were out the night before the wedding and everyone was talking about how that was going to be it. And I just...I freaked out.”

 

“Did you even consider my feelings when you left? How I would feel standing in front of everyone we knew, alone? Because you freaked out.”

 

“Cas, I’m sorry. I never meant‒” Cas reached into his pocket and placed an envelope on the table. “What’s that?”

 

“This is the last check to pay for the wedding I never got to have,” Castiel said. “For three years I’ve had this constant reminder of the worst day of my life. Three years to remember the day you made me feel worthless.” Cas stood up, leaving the coffee untouched. “Goodbye, Dean.”

 

Dean watched him go, his heart breaking all over again.

* * *

 

Castiel returned to library to tell Joshua that he needed the rest of the day off. The old man had told, not unkindly, that he should take a few days after the stunt with Dean. Cas couldn’t disagree.

 

He fought his tears the whole drive home, but couldn’t hold them in long enough to get to the bedroom. He collapsed on the couch and cried into one of pillows there. He

 

Damn Dean. Damn him for leaving and coming back like nothing had happened. Damn him for being so handsome and repentive. Damn him for Castiel still loving him. Damn him for everything.

 

After he was all cried out, Castiel laid there, wondering if he should move, or just lay on the couch and die. He could call Crowley, but he didn’t want to interupt and important meeting. If he called, Crowley would drop everything and come home. He could call Sam, as well, but he was also at work and that would only cause trouble between him and Dean, and Cas didn’t want that. He didn’t know what to do. He fell asleep before he came up with an answer.

 

Hel woke up to arms wrapping around him. He groaned, but opened opened his eyes. Crowley was leaning over him, fond expression on his face.

 

“What time is it?” Cas murmured, blinking hard, trying to wake up.

 

“A little after ten,” Hie boyfriend said back, running a gentle hand through his hair. Cas sighed, leaning into it.

 

“I got an interesting call for the library this afternoon,” Cas groaned, burying his face in a pillow. “Do you want to talk about it?”

 

Cas looked up at Crowley, still in his suit with Castiel's legs draped over his, looking worried and loving. He sat up and pressed his face into Crowley’s neck.

 

“Dean was there. I punched him,” Crowley chuckled.

 

“My little pacifist? _No_ ,” Castiel pushed him, and Crowley kissed his forehead. “Are you alright?”

 

“We talked. He talked. It didn’t change anything. He still hurt me in a way that I will never be able to forgive.” Crowley nodded and Castiel burrowed further into his arms.

 

“Do you want dinner?” Cas shook his head. “Do you want to go to bed?”

 

“I don’t feel like moving. I’m just drained.” Crowley kissed him, lingering for a moment, before going to their bedroom. He was back a few minutes later in more comfortable clothes.

 

They arranged themselves on the couch as best they could, pressing together, wrapping around each other.

 

“I love you,” Crowley murmured into Castiel’s hair. Cas smiled. It was a rare thing for Crowley to actually voice his emotions.

  
“I love you, too.” _I’m just worried I’ll always love him more._


	3. Chapter 3

Cas arched up against the body above his, wrapping his legs around the thin hips. He moaned when he hit just the right spot.

“Kiss me,” He panted, tugging on his short hair. “Please.” There were lips against his then, another tongue in his mouth.

Cas broke away, moaning again. He looked up into those green eyes as Dean‒

Castiel woke up, gasping. He nearly fell in the floor, then remembered that he has fallen asleep on the couch.

When he came back to himself he realized he had crick in his neck and groaned, quietly. Crowley was still asleep, so he eased out of his arms and padded across the cold floor to their bathroom. He turned the water as hot as it would go and let it heat up as he removed yesterday’s suit.

He moaned when the hot water him, basking in the warmth. He lost himself in thought until strong arms wrapped around him. Castiel turned and pressed his lips to Crowley’s.

“You’re going to be late,” The older man said, when they broke apart. Castiel smiled.

“I have the day off.” Castiel laughed when Crowley scooped him up and carried him out of the shower.

He wasn’t even upset when they got the sheets wet.

“Do you want me to stay?” Crowley asked, later, running his fingers through Cas’s messy hair.

“No, I have some things to do here. You go, maybe we’ll get lunch and you call in after.”

“I like the way you think,” Crowley said, kissing him, then getting out of bed. Castiel watched him dress, then kissed him goodbye.

* * *

 

Sam was putting the last of the files that he used that day. There was a knock on the door of the file room and Sam turned.

“Hey, Dean. I’ll be done in a sec.”

“Take your time.” His brother leaned against the wall as Sam walked out and locked the door. They walked down the hall to the small office Sam worked in.

“Nice place,” Dean said, looking around. “Fancy. Not what I pictured you doin’.”

“It’s an internship,” Sam said, looking over his itinerary to make sure he was really done.. “A good letter of recommendation from this place could land me a job anywhere, Dean. Plus I get the experience.”

Dean sat in one of the chairs, propping his feet on Sam’s desk.

“Experience? Checking out files and getting coffee for some rich asshoole is experince?” Sam rolled his eyes.

“I do more than that, Dean. And Crowley’s not‒” Sam stopped and Dean’s eyes widened a little.

“You work for Cas’s boyfriend,” He tried to keep his tone casual, but Sam could hear disbelief in his voice.

“With, is the operative term,” A british accented voice said. Dean turned and saw a short dark haired man standing in Sam’s doorway. “I’m calling a short day, you’re welcome to go home as well.”

“Really?” Sam asked. “What are you doing?”

“Castiel and I are going to lunch. He has the day off due to an altercation at the library. With your brother,” Crowley glanced at Dean, but didn’t bother introducing himself. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Give Jess my love.” He walked off when Sam said he would.

“So that was Crowley?” Dean said, looking at the place he’d been standing.

“Yeah.”

“Not what I was expecting.” Sam sighed.

“Look, Dean. You left. If Cas wanted to date Miley Cyrus, it wouldn’t be your business, okay? Crowley’s a good guy. He treats Cas like he deserves to be treated. So just don’t.” Dean looked shocked, then his face went blank.

“Whatever.”

* * *

  
Since Dean was back in Sam’s life, he ended up on a lot of group outings. They were always awkward, the others not knowing how to act around him.

One night, when the Winchesters were running late, Charlie finally broke down and Cas if it was okay.

“I don’t care,” Cas had said, taking a sip from his drink. “Dean and I have talked. He’s back now. He’s back in Sam’s life, which means he’s back in all of our lives and you guys want to be friends with him I won’t think any less of you or stop spending time with you. Dean is the only person I have a problem with.”

Everyone nodded and relaxed a bit, knowing that it was okay to laugh when Dean said something funny. After a few weeks, even Cas would crack a smile.

Crowley and Dean politely overlooked each other. As far as Sam knew they never shared a word. Dean would grumble about him from time to time, but a look from Sam would cut that out pretty quick.

All in all, things were civil between them. Cas would actually talk to Dean sometimes. They even had lunch one day and really cleared the air between them.

“Sam told me you met someone,” Cas said, not looking up from his menu.

“Uh, yeah. About a year ago. Lisa.” Dean answered. “But I stayed single for two years after I‒”

“After you left. You can say it, Dean. It happened. Everything that happened after you left, happened. We both met new people, we’ve both...moved on.”

“Yeah.”

“So, what was she like?”

“Cas, I don’t‒”

“Dean. What was she like?” Dean sighed and told Cas about meeting Lisa at the garage he’d been working in. They went out a few times, hit it off. He met Ben and they liked each other. He moved in after five months.

“What happened?”

“She wanted to get married,” Dean flinched as he said it. Cas’s smile was bitter.

“Glad to know it wasn’t just me then,” He said. “Did you least leave her before the actual day?” Dean put his menu down and looked away. “I’m sorry. That was‒”

“It’s okay. You were in the right on that one.” Dean meet his eyes. “I really am sorry, Cas. I just...I didn’t think about you and that wasn’t fair. I’m sorry about all the hell you went through and I’m really happy that you’re okay now. He seems like a great guy.”

“Thank you, Dean.” The waiter came by, and they ordered.

After two months, things were almost like they were before. The group would go out, they’d have a good time, the only difference was that Cas went home Crowley instead of Dean.

Then one night, Cas was quiet. Crowley was working late on an important case that could make or break the firm. Everyone was joking and laughing when Sam finally noticed the thoughtful, worried look on his face.

“What’s up, Cas?” The other man didn’t look up from his drink as he spoke.

“We’re moving to London,” Cas said, bluntly. “We bought a house there. Crowley’s family is there. His mother is in poor health, he wants to be near her.”

Everyone went silent. Cas looked up, face still pensive.

“It’s going to be okay. I’ll talk to you guys all the time. Abaddon will take over the firm here, and Crowley will start one in London. We’ll come and visit. It will be fine.”

“When?” Charlie asked.

“Before Christmas,” Cas said. “We still have to get everything settled here.”

No one knew what to say. They just sat there, looking into their drinks, confused.  
“I’m sorry,” Cas said. “I shoudn’t have said anything here.”

“No! No, Cas, it’s okay,” Sam said. “I hope everything works out.”

Everyone was wishing him luck and the girls started planning a party amongst themselves, but Dean sat quietly, throwing drinks back until they were ready to leave.


	4. Shattered On The Floor

The next few months went by quickly. Crowley finished off most of his cases, giving the ones that were still ongoing to his partner Abbadon. He wrote Sam a letter of recommendation and told him to call or email if he ever needed anything.

Castiel continued working at the library, but switched to part time so that he could help Crowley pack. Their house in London was already fully furnished, but Castiel couldn’t bear to leave some pieces behind.

“I can’t believe we’re actually leaving,” He said one night. They were sitting on the couch, Castiel had curled up Crowley’s side, sharing a bottle of wine. Crowley ran his finger’s though Cas’s hair.

“You’re not getting cold feet, are you, love?” Castiel shook his head.

“Of course not. It’s just going to be strange. I’ve lived in Kansas for almost twenty years, you know.”

“You love London.”

“I’m going to miss everyone. I don’t know what I’m going to do without having Sam right around the corner. Or Jess.”

“We’ll be back all the time, Castiel. I’ll have clients, Sam and Jess’ wedding, your family events. It will be almost like we never left.” Castiel straightened and kissed Crowley. He tasted like wine and cigars and Castiel drank it in.

“I love you,” He breathed against Crowley’s mouth.

“Let’s go to bed,” Crowley responded. Castiel sighed inwardly. Leave it to him to fall in love with the two most emotionally repressed men in the world.

He had been thinking of Dean a lot. Maybe it was because he was always around, or maybe because he was about to make a big commitment and was afraid of getting his heart broken again. Either way, Dean was there, in the back of his mind, and Castiel couldn’t get rid of him. He knew that Crowley knew something was wrong, but he couldn’t tell the man he loved that his ex was all he could think of.

A few days before they were set to move, everyone held a going away party for them.  
“I know you’re supposed to wait until the night before,” Charlie said on the phone. “But I don’t want you guys to be hung over on the flight. That along with jet lag might end with someone in a body bag.” Castiel couldn’t disagree. He and Crowley were hairtriggers, and that had led to a lot of arguments. But the argument always led to great sex so Castiel couldn’t really complain.

Everyone they knew showed up at the Roadhouse that night. Ellen had closed early and set up with some help from Jess, Charlie, and Jo.

“If you see a magic blue box, you’d better call me.” Charlie said, hugging him tight. Castiel laughed.

“I will. From the road.” Charlie’s laugh sounded like a sob, and when she pulled away Castiel saw that she was, indeed, crying.

He and Sam hugged the longest. They had been in each other’s lives for so long that Castiel wasn’t sure what he was going to do with him. He’d watched Sam grow from a small ten year old boy, into the six foot twenty six year old that he was now. Sam had been his study buddy, his best friend, his rock.

“I’m going to miss you,” Sam said, “But I’m glad you’re happy.” Castiel felt tears in his eyes and he gripped Sam tighter.

“I’ll miss you, too. Thank you for everything.”

Sam had barely let go when Jess threw her bony arms around Cas’s shoulder’s. The tears really started coming them. If Sam had been his rock, then Jess had been his shelter. His caregiver. The one that had came into the hospital room and told him point black that he would start eatting or she would have Sam and Gabriel hold him down while she force fed him. She was the mother that Castiel never had.

“I love you, Cas,” She said. “So you’d better take good care of yourself.”

“I promise. Thank you, Jess.”

At eight-thirty, Crowley got a call. A client needed to speak with him immediately. Castiel told him to go. Alistair was strange and often times rude, but he was Crowley’s oldest and most frequent client.

By the end of the night, everyone had hugged and cried on Castiel. Everyone except Dean who had chosen a corner and stayed there, moving only to get another beer. Castiel had felt his eyes on him, but he hadn’t went to see him. He couldn’t.

It was after midnight when Ellen decided it was time to kick them out. Castiel was pleasantly buzzed, but not drunk. He shook his head when Sam offered him a ride, opting to walk the short way back to his apartment and enjoy the cool night. The winter hadn’t been harsh that year, staying in the low sixties or fifties.

On his way, someone grabbed his arm and pulled him back. Castiel turned, ready to trow a punch and run when he saw a very Dean behind him.

“You can’t go,” Dean said. “You can’t leave, Cas.”

“Why?” Castiel demanded. 

“Because I came back for you! I love you, Cas!” Dean reached for him and Castiel flinched away.

“No! No, you left me, Dean. You don’t get to do this.”

“I know I messed up, Cas. But I came back! I want to be with you.”

“How do I know you won’t leave again? You left me, you left Lisa. All you do is leave, Dean.”

“I’m not goin’ anywhere, this time.” He gathered Castiel into his arms before the other man could get away. “Stay Cas. Stay with me. We’ll get a house and a dog and get married and have kids. Just stay.” He tilted Cas’s face up and leaned down to kiss him. Castiel turned away just before and Dean pressed a sloppy kiss to the side of his neck.

“No!” Castiel said, shoving Dean away. “You said that you came back for me. Well, this time, I’m leaving you behind and you can feel what I felt for so long.”

He ran before Dean could say anything else. He didn’t stop until the door to his and Crowley’s apartment slammed behind him. After a moment, everything that had just happened caught up to him and hit him like a freight train.

The first sob that ripped out of his chest physically hurt. He made his way to his and Crowley’s bedroom and dropped to the floor beside the bed. He reached underneath and pulled out a little box that he’d had for years.

Inside were pictures of him and Dean, love letter and notes that they’d shared, tickets and recipets, post cards and knick knacks, their intire relationship sorted neatly into the little chest. On top was the note Sam had found on the day of the wedding. Castiel taken it from his apartment, and if Sam knew, he never let on.

Tell Cas I’m sorry. He had read the words over and over in the past three year, always wonder what Dean had meant. Tell Castiel that he was sorry he left? Tell him he was sorry for pretending he wanted to get married? That he’d never loved him at all?

Crowley found him there two hours later, still clutching the note. The box had been thrown across the room, though, the pictures and notes getting crushed under his feet as Crowley ran to his side.

“I’m sorry,” Castiel cried, turning to bury his face in his chest. “I’m sorry I’m like this.”

“Shh.” Crowley wrapped his arms around him and rocked him gently as he cried. He managed to pull the note from Castiel’s death grip and tossed it to the floor with the rest of his memories of Dean.

When Castiel finally fell asleep, Crowley lifted him and tucked him to their bed. It broke his heart to see him so sad. To hear him blame himself when it was all Dean’s fault he was broken. Crowley kissed his forehead, then began to clean up the mess.

He had found Castiel’s little box while he was packing, and while it didn’t make him jealous, it did make his extremly sad. 

Dean Winchester had destroyed Castiel. He had ripped his heart to shreds and Castiel still kept all of his memories of him. Including the note that had been the start of his downfall. 

The box had had several layers of dust on it when Crowley found it, like it hadn’t been touched him months. He had known he shouldn’t have opened it, but he spent hours sitting right where Castiel had, reading his and Dean words to each other, looking at pictures from their trips. He had been tempted to throw it out, but he knew that Castiel would notice.

The same temptation rose up as Crowley put the crinkled articles back where they belonged. When the floor was restored to original clean state and box was back under the bed where it belonged, Crowley changed and climbed beneath the covers.

Castiel curled against him immediately, even in his sleep, but Crowley now had to wonder who he was really dreaming about.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS IT! This is the end! Unless you want an epilogue set several years later.

Castiel woke up the next morning with a pounding headache. He sat up and rubbed his head, squinting against the sun shining into the room.

 

When the memories from the previous night hit him, he groaned and feel back against the pillows.

 

_Dean Winchester said that he loved me._ He felt like a sixteen year old again, thinking those words and staring at his ceiling.

 

He rolled over and stared at Crowley’s sleeping face. He felt a pang in his chest when he saw worry on his face, even in sleep. Cas trailed his fingers down his cheek and sighed sadly.

 

Crowley had loved him so much more than he deserved over the years. He had understood that the important dates from his time with Dean still meant so much to Castiel. That Castiel would say his name in his sleep. He never showed any outward anger about it.

 

How could Castiel take all of what he was giving for so long without giving all of himself back? How had Crowley allowed that to go on?

 

He got up and walked into the living room, sitting on the couch. There were only a few items left in the apartment and boxes stacked around. Tomorrow they were leaving, flying across the ocean, away from everything that Castiel ever knew. Away from‒

 

He dropped his head in his hands. Why couldn’t he stop thinking about him? He had ruined his life, had left him miserable and broken without reason or explanation. Then just came back the same way, like the three previous years hadn’t even happened.

 

_Because he’s all you’ve ever thought about._ Castiel grimaced at his own thoughts, even though he knew that they were true. Ever since they had met, Dean was all he thought about. Green eyes and freckles and everything else that he was.

 

When Dean had asked him out when they were sixteen, he had nearly dies from excitement. They went to dinner and saw a movie. Then Dean had kissed him in front of his house. It was everything that Castiel had ever wanted.

 

Dean had been Castiel’s everything. He’d given him everything, and Dean had disappeared on what was supposed to be the most important day of their lives. He should hate Dean, despise him in every way possible, and more.

But he didn’t. The moment he’d seen Dean everything that he had tried to forget had came back with a force. The kisses, the late nights together, the road trips when things got too stressful.

 

Castiel was at a loss for what to do. He loved Crowley and how they were together. They had been in sync since the night they met. They knew what the other needed without asking.

 

But _Dean_. Dean had been infuriating, seductive, loving, the opposite of Castiel in every way. They had balanced each other out. Cas knew that he would never feel that way about anyone else. That Dean was the only one.

 

Castiel was suddenly grateful for the missing furniture. He might have thrown something at the wall if it had been within his reach

 

* * *

 

Across town, Dean woke up in much worse shape.

 

The room spun, he was shaking, and he felt like his stomach was doing somersaults while his head split open. Which had to be why  Sam and Jess were up and banging around and shouting in the kitchen.

 

After being rejected by Cas, Dean had stumbled his way to Sam’s apartment and passed out on the couch. Sam had, as always, left a glass of water and some aspirin on the coffee table. Someone had also deposited a cup of coffee, but Dean ignored it for the moment.

 

He sat up and took the pills just as the front door closed. He looked up at the doorway where Sam was leaning, arms crossed.

 

“What did you do?” He asked. Dean groaned.

 

“I told Cas not to go.” Sam rolled his eyes.

 

“Damn it, Dean. Why can’t you‒”

 

“I also told him that I still loved him and tried to kiss him and he pushed me away.”

 

“You _what_?” Sam demanded, bitch face on at full capacity. Dean didn’t answer. “Dean, how could you do that?”

 

“I was drunk! Not like it worked anyway.”

 

“And if it had? If Cas had let you kiss him, or went home with you, what would you have done?”

 

“I don’t know! Sam, I just….It’s Cas!”

 

“Yeah, he was Cas when you left him here three years ago, too!” Dean had the audacity to look gobsmacked. “You’re selfish, Dean. You were selfish then and you are now.”

 

“Fuck you, too, Sam.” Dean grumbled, standing up, albeit wobbly. Sam didn’t try to help his to the door.

 

“Take the elevator,” He said, as Dean was walking out. “I don’t want you to break your neck on the stairs.” Dean ignored him and slammed the door. As much as he hated it, Sam was right about the elevator. When the cool air hit face as he exited the building, Dean felt a little better.

 

He walked without purpose, not knowing where his feet were leading until he stopped. He looked across the lake where he’d proposed to Cas and sighed.

 

Sam had been right all along. He was selfish. Cas was happy, the guy was good for him, so why did Dean have to try and kiss him? Why couldn’t he bottle it up inside like he did with everything else?

 

_Because it’s Cas,_ He thought. He sat down on the bench and thought back. He remembered their first date at that stupid restaurant that neither of them had liked. Their first time together, when Cas had left his socks on and Dean hadn’t taken off his shirt they were in a such a hurry to be together. When he had brought Cas here and just pulled the ring out of his pocket, cutting Cas off mid-sentence. Waking up the day of their wedding and bolting because he was afraid of the commitment. Wanting to call everyday for three years, but not knowing what to say.

 

_I deserve this,_ He thought _. I deserve to have Cas kick me to the curb and fly off with someone else._

 

He took out his phone before he really thought it through and dialed Cas’s number

 

_You’ve reached Castiel. I am busy at the moment but if you leave your name and number I will get back to you as soon as possible._

 

“Hey, Cas. I’m, uh, I’m sorry about last night. It wasn’t cool. You deserve better than that. I won’t bother you again. Have a good life in London. I lo‒” He stopped and sighed. “Goodbye, Cas.”

 

* * *

 

Castiel listened to Dean’s message for the tenth time, still unable to believe it.

 

Crowley had gone to work, no longer wanting to deal with Castiel’s broody silence. Castiel felt bad, but he wasn’t in the best place at the moment.

 

So this was it. Dean had given up. He was sorry and he was done chasing after Cas. Castiel wondered why that hurt so much, especially after everything that had happened.

 

He pondered it all day, while sitting alone in the mostly empty apartment and that night while Crowley slept next to him.

 

It was still on his mind on the way to the airport. It didn’t really click until they called for their flight.

 

“I can’t go,” Castiel said, quietly. Crowley sighed.

 

“I know.” Castiel looked up with wet eyes and met Crowley’s understanding gaze. He had known since Dean came back, Castiel realized, how this would irrevocably end.

 

“I’m so sorry, Crowley,” He said, wrapping his arms around him. “So, so sorry.”

 

And he was. He wanted nothing more than to want to board that plane. To leave Dean Winchester and the mess he had made of his life behind. But Dean was his life, no matter what he did, and there was no changing that.

 

“I know, love. It’s alright.” Crowley pulled away and met his eyes. “I’ll call you when I land, yeah?”

 

“I love you,” Castiel said, giving Crowley one last kiss. They lingered there, until the last call was announced, holding each other and kissing goodbye. Castiel was going to miss this, he knew.

 

“I love you, too. Goodbye, Castiel.” Cas watched him until he disappeared through the first class door and out of his life.

 

He sat in one of the uncomfortable chairs and  stared at the floor.

 

For the first time in three years, he didn’t want to cry.

 

* * *

 

Dean ran through the airport, shoving people and yelling to get out of his way.

 

What had he been thinking, just telling Castiel to go? He needed him like he needed air. He had to fight for him. Had had to get down on his knees and beg for another chance. He ran to the service desk, surprising the woman standing there.

 

“Flight 787 to London, where is it boarding?” He panted.  She clacked on the keyboard for a moment.

 

“I’m sorry, sir. That plane took off ten minutes ago.”

 

“You have to get it back,” Dean said.

 

“I can’t do that-”

 

“You don’t understand. The love of my life is on that plane. I’m going to lose him forever if you don’t do something!” The woman behind the desk looked at him with pity in her eyes.

 

“I’m sorry, sir. There is nothing I can do.” Dean sighed.

 

“When’s the next flight to London?” He asked, reaching for his wallet.

 

“Dean,” He spun around at the sound of Castiel’s voice, disbelieving.

 

“Cas,” He reached out and touched his face before pulling the smaller man against him. “Oh, thank God.”

 

Dean leaned in to kiss him, but Castiel stopped him.

 

“This isn’t a movie, Dean,” He said. “You ruined everything that day, and I can’t just forget it.”

 

“Then why‒”

 

“I couldn’t stop loving you, Dean, no matter how hard I tried. So I’m giving you one chance. We can try again, but we’re going slow. I can’t risk getting hurt like that again.” Dean nodded.

 

“Can I kiss you? Just once?” Castiel nodded and wrapped his hand around the back of Dean’s neck.

 

Dean kissed him soft and slow, taking his breath away. Castiel sighed into the kiss, allowing Dean to brush their tongues together before pulling away.

 

“Can I take you to dinner tonight?” Dean asked, resting his forehead against Cas’s.

 

“Not tonight. But soon.” Castiel responded. He pulled completely away and held his hand out to Dean.

  
Dean twined their fingers together, hoping that this was a good start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the reviews and kudos and sticking with me til the end. I love you all!


	6. For Worse or For Better

It took Dean weeks to convince Castiel to go out with him. He just kept shooting him down, saying that he needed some time.

 

“I just don’t get it!” Dean said. “He stayed here so we could try again!” Sam gave him a bitch face in response.

 

“He was with Crowley for a year and a half, Dean. He loved him. He’s probably still hurting, even if he does have you waiting in the wings. Just give him some time. He’ll call you.”

 

Dean knew that Sam was only half happy that Cas had stayed behind. He was happy that his best friend was going to be right around the corner, but he wasn’t sure how he felt about him going out with Dean again. Dean understood, but was slightly hurt that his brother didn’t have any faith in him.

 

Finally, after almost two months, Castiel called asked if Dean was free for dinner Friday night. Dean had agreed and said he’d be there to pick him up at eight.

 

Dean dressed in one of his few non-plaid button downs and clean jeans before leaving for Cas’s place. He hadn’t been on a date in a long time, it felt strange to feel this nervous.

 

Castiel was waiting outside of his apartment building and slid into the Impala when Dean pulled up.

 

“Hey.”

 

“Hello, Dean.” Castiel was wearing his trench coat, but he was also wearing a soft looking sweater and dark jeans.

 

“You look nice.”

 

“As do you.” The drive felt tense, awkward. Dean couldn’t wait to be out of the car when Castiel finally pointed out the restaurant that he chose.

 

It was a nice place. Light and open, music playing at just the right volume to be heard, but not shouted over. Cas’s tastes had obviously changed since they last went out. The pretty waitress that led them to their table didn’t even try to hit on them.

 

“You would like the steaks,” Castiel said, looking over the menu. “They’re wood grilled. It gives them a unique taste.”

 

“You come here a lot?”

 

“Crowley and I would come here before we out with everyone sometimes. It’s nice.”

 

Dean did end up ordering one of the steaks and a beer. Castiel ordered baked chicken with some kind of sauce on it that Dean couldn’t pronounce and an iced tea.

 

“How was your day?” Castiel asked, after the waitress had left.

 

“Good. Had a gorgeous ‘68 Mustang come in for a tune up.” Castiel smiled, fondly. Dean remembered getting that smile every time he went on about cars with Cas. “What about you?”

 

“Someone turned in books from their school library to us. I had to return them to the school’s office.” Dean laughed.

 

“How do you even do that?”

 

“He didn’t look like the type that frequented the library, perhaps they all look the same to him.”

 

“Maybe.” Their food came a few minutes later and they quieted down. The steak was good, as was the bite of chicken that Castiel offered him. The beer wasn’t so great, but Dean didn’t say anything.

 

After dessert (two pieces of apple pie), they went for a walk in the park. They held hands as they made their way down the path, talking quietly about nothing that mattered. The air was chilly, but Cas was warm.

 

“I had fun,” Castiel said, when Dean dropped him off later that night. “Thank you, Dean.”

 

“Me, too.” Castiel leaned over and kissed his cheek before getting out of the car.

 

“Call me sometime,” He said, then closed the door and went inside.

 

Their dates went like that for the most part. They went to dinner and talked and had a good time, then Castiel would kiss Dean’s cheek and leave. Dean wanted more, but knew that Castiel needed to be the one to set the pace. He could wait.

 

This one appeared to be ending the same way. Dean put the car in park and turned to say goodnight. Castiel leaned in and pressed their lips together, surprising Dean for a moment before he started kissing back. Cas had always been a good kisser but he was even better now.

 

“Goodnight, Dean,” Castiel said against his lips before getting out of the car.

 

“‘Night, Cas.”

 

After that night, their dates became more intimate. One of them would make dinner or they would order takeout and watch a movie in one their apartments. Dean’s personal favorite was the one where they laid in his bed for hours just talking and kissing while it snowed outside.

 

They had been dating for just under four months when they went to a party a Sam and Jess’ apartment. They didn’t hang around long since it was full of noisy kids, Sam’s age and younger. Sam called them cranky old men and they rolled their eyes.

 

They went to the park again, where it was a little quieter and walked around. There were couples all around laughing and smiling and they were among them. Castiel leaned against Dean, pressing his hand against his chest as they walked, like he did when they were younger.

 

“It’s getting late,” Cas said. Dean pulled his chin up and kissed him, slowly, and felt Cas smile against his lips.

 

“I love you,” Dean said, quietly when they pulled apart.

 

“I love you, too.”

 

Dean walked Cas home and kissed him at the door. He wished him a goodnight and began to walk away.

 

“Dean!” Dean turned and Castiel bit his lip. “Do you want to spend the night?” Dean smiled and followed him up the stairs.

 

They went slow, relearning each other’s bodies and sounds, exploring for hours before falling asleep together as the sun was rising.

 

Dean woke up first, squinting against the late morning sun shining through Cas’s window. Castiel was asleep on his own side of the bed, facing Dean. Dean smiled down at him, tracing his face and body with his eyes. Cas was beautiful, damn near perfect. He would never not be grateful that he had given him a second chance and he would spend the rest of their time together proving it.

 

He got up and searched the cabinets in the kitchen for coffee and french toast ingredients, trying to be as quiet as possible. Cas wandered in a few minutes later anyway, his hair all over the place and eyes bleary behind his glasses.

 

“Good morning,” He said, taking two mugs down from one of his shelves and handing one to Dean.

 

“Mornin’,” Dean kissed him. “Plates?”

 

A few minutes later, they were both seated at Cas’s little table with mismatched chairs. He had apologized multiple times for the mess, boxes and things all over the small space. Dean only grinned.

 

“They were pretty helpful last night.” Cas didn’t blush like he had hoped he would, but he did smile.

 

“Maybe we’ll make to the bedroom first next time.”

 

They didn’t.

 

Things progressed well after that. Cas got promoted to head librarian after Joshua retired and Dean opened his own garage that got a lot of business. Castiel claimed it was because he and Benny and the other handsome, well muscled mechanics showed off so much. They talked about moving in together, but decided to put that on hold until they had been together for at least a year, maybe more.

 

Crowley visited a few times, and while he and Dean didn’t get along well, they didn’t hate each other either. They could make jokes and jab at one another without starting a bar brawl. His new girlfriend Bela seemed alright, too, if snipy. Cas thought that they were perfect for each other.

 

Sam and Jess got married in June on a beach. It was nice and informal, because that’s how they were. Jess wore a strapless white dress that stopped just above her knee and Sam wore a simple suit instead of a tux. No bridesmaids or best men, no ridiculous guest list, no grand party afterwards. Just the bride, the groom, a preacher, and the people they loved the most. Dean liked it.

 

“Do you want to get married one day?” Dean asked Castiel when they were in their hotel room later.

 

“Never ask me that again.” Dean looked up, shocked by the venom in Cas’s tone.

 

“Sorry. That was....I shouldn’t have asked that.”

 

“Marriage scares you away, Dean. It’s happened more than once.” Castiel reached for his hands and sat next to him. “We’re happy how we are, Dean. We’re together in all that ways that count. We don’t need a big celebration to confirm that.”

 

“You’re right,” Dean said, then kissed him briefly.

 

“But,” Cas smiled, pressing their foreheads together. “If we want to get rings one day, that just happen to be sized to fit our left ring fingers, and just happened to match, well where’s the harm in that?”

 

“No where, if it happens to happen.” They smiled at eachother, then kissed again.

 

“I’m glad I stayed,” Castiel said, later, his cheek against Dean’s chest. “I don’t regret giving you a second chance.”

 

“I’m glad you stayed, too. I love you.”

 

“Love you, too.”

 

It wasn’t always easy. They fought and Castiel throw Dean’s leaving in his face before slamming the door or hanging up the phone, but they always worked it out.

 

Sometimes they didn’t talk for a few days, then would have an intense makeout session in the Impala, fogging up the windows and turning one another on so much they could barely make it up their stairs.

 

After two years, Dean had his arm wrapped around Castiel’s shoulders as they drove around town, then he parked in front of a strip mall.

 

“What are you doing?”

 

“I just happened to see a jewelery store up here. I think it’s time.” Castiel smiled and got out of the car.

 

They decided on a plain silver band with their names engraved on the inside along with their anniversary. Two weeks later, they each had on their left hands.

 

Castiel’s stayed shiny and new looking and all the women he worked with swooned at how romantic it was. Dean’s got battered and scratched from the work he did. He Had said that he would take it off for work, but Castiel told him not to. He didn’t care what it looked like, only what it symbolized.

 

“Do you want kids?” Dean asked one night, stroking Cas’s hair.

 

“You do?” Dean shrugged.

 

“I’ve been thinking about for a while. I was good with Ben. If you think you want to, we could try to adopt or foster.”

 

“I think I would.” Castiel sat up straight and looked into Dean’s eyes. “No, I know. I want to have a family with you.”

 

Dean kissed him. “We’ll set up an appointment tomorrow.”

 

“Okay.”

 

It took a long time. There were many fights, a lot of tears, Sam even threatened court cases against the agencies they used a few times, but when it finally happened, all the pain was worth it.

 

They named her Mary and she was beautiful.

 


End file.
